The Check List: Is She A Crazy Baby Momma?

OK, I have been getting a lot of requests for new Check list's, and of course I aim to please. So here is another one to keep the laughs going.

Something tells me that MANY people are going to be able to relate to this one.
Do not be offended people. It's all fun and games.. unless you can initial next to any of them, you're good! lmao Here goes!

You know you have a crazy BM (baby momma) when...

1. You find hidden Nanny cameras in your child's teddy bear.
2. You have 2 court cases a month, and one is usually because the psycho keyed your car! lol
3. She has your girl friends phone number on speed dial, but its *67 first! (Like the gf don't know its you..lol)
4. You're walking to the store, and home girl is hiding in the bushes! LOCA!
5. She's at all the parties and/or get together you're at, but you didn't invite her.
6. Every time she cooks for you, you make the dog taste it first. LMAO!
7. She plays your shadow, and she ain't even pushing the stroller.. (wheres the baby at man?)
8. She calls your mom, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, cousin, homie and neighbor trying to locate that ass.. (b*tch is crazy)
9. She threatens your life, only until you answer her calls.
10. She does a drive by around your house to see if your lights are off or on.
11. You come home and she's already in your apartment talking about "where the f*ck you been?" and all you can think to yourself is "how the f*ck this b*tch got in here?"
12. She knows where you been and where you going, yet you disclosed no information to her.
13. She suddenly befriends your closest friends and family.

I know, I know... I'm not even right! But listen ladies, if the shoe fits.. please try and change the style!

Baby momma drama is just not fun ladies... Entertaining... but not fun!

The Check List: Is He too Ghetto?

Ok.. I have to "LOL" just at the title of this one.

Have you ever been talking to a guy that you really like, until he takes you to his house?

Allow me to elaborate.

Have you ever been talking to a guy you really like, until he takes you to his house, and what he considers a couch is plastic white patio chairs?

I know Hun, Tragic!

Here's another check list in which i feel will be helpful. As always.. Enjoy!

1. If he has more than 2 different flavors of Kool Aid in his refrigerator/ice box, Hun he's ghetto.
2. If a curtain is what he calls "the door" to his bedroom. Uh uh.. too ghetto
3. If you can brush your teeth, wash dishes and your ass all in the same room, he's living ghetto fab thus making the fool GHETTO.
4. If his sheets make you itch (1st of all.. RUN) he is way too ghetto and nasty!
5. If his shower curtain is an old sheet nailed to the walls.. He's cheap and GHETTO.
6. When his idea of a date consists of a day on the block/stoop
7. If seeing him entails a Conjugal Visit.
8. He always calls you collect.
9. He's past the age of 25 and lives with mommy still.
10. His address consists of something like this "Marcy Projects Building 2A"
11. If he is collecting unemployment and its been about a year.. GHETTO
12. If he gets food stamps and has no babies.. GHETTO!
13. All he has to offer you to eat is a Mayo and lettuce Sandwich.. GHETTO!
14. If he wears Paco/Fubu/Enyce/Akademiks... Ghetto
15. If his sheets have stains in which he can not explain.. he is one ghetto/nasty ass mofo
16. If he has a gold front tooth.. GHETTO
17. If he's 100 pounds yet his clothes are still XXXL.. ghetto

I'm sure there's more.. but I think I hit this one out the ball park!

It's always a pleasure! =)

Drinks Drinks Drinks!

Tuesday Night With The Girls!

Lots of Beer and Wings!

This is just a taste of what our table looked like!
Awww We're missing Samantha.. she was getting round... I dont remember! lmao

This Is What I Want For Christmas

Paul Walker Is Breathe Taking

I swear He is so Dreamy.. lol

Dear Santa:

I want this with a little red bow on it!
lmao!

***** SIGHS *****

Be All That You Can Be!

This is what we're doing over seas! lol
Enjoy!!!!!

The Check List: Pretty Boys

Ladies, I have come face to face with the prettiest boy I have ever met. There was one problem though... He almost made me feel as though he were "prettier" than me.. That's a NO GO!

In an effort to avoid this epidemic, please take note of the following.

1. If his eyebrows have more of an arch than yours, he's too pretty.. lol
2. He spends more time in the mirror than you, he's too pretty..
3. He looks at himself in car windows, store windows, your makeup mirror, his own pocket mirror, and worst of all.. in your sun glasses.. He's def too pretty.
4. If he refers to himself in the 3rd person. Lord have mercy on us all.. he is too pretty.
5. If he irons his boxers. Maybe he likes them toasty.. idk.. but I think that's just too much. You don't see us females pressing our thongs.. we just don't do it.
6. If he wears all his white tees and tank tops one time only... homeboy is too pretty..
7. If he uses his mothers/your shower gel and lotion.. thus making him smell like peaches and cream.. PRETTY STATZ.. along with something else but we aren't even going there!
8. Lastly, if you does not want to hold your hand or allow you to rest your head on his shoulder, in fear of wrinkling his shirt, He is way too pretty for his own good. Whats next? No sex because we might mess up your hair? Get over it!

For all who are wondering, I have dealt with some of these issues first hand.

I learned you can't date someone who is more of a b*tch than you.. It's just never going to work.

Love This Song..

Peep Serani & his new low budget wonder! lmao
Gotta love em!

Loving The Impossible

Loving the impossible, **sighs**

As a woman, I have the courage to state that I have been in love with the impossible. By impossible, I mean, the illusion of something that clearly is not.

I speak from experience when I say sometimes we, as ordinary people (john legend reference lol), just can not control matters of the heart.

A relationship that is toxic sometimes does not bear all it's difficulties and unhealthy factors openly. Many times, it remains lingering between two people, almost embodying a ticking time bomb.

Why is it that when all the signs are pointing to a "Dead End", do we feel as though we can somehow defy fate, and change the inevitable? This is a question I have been playing hard ball with for quite some time now.

Love is many things, but the list of what it should not portray is simple.

Love should not be jealous, or blind. It should not be deceiving and cruel, nor tormenting and over rated.

Love should just be what it was meant to stand for.

Love should be that 3 month dating period, where the butterflies take place.

It should come bearing smiles and laughter, respect and loyalty.

Love should be everything we could ever imagine, and nothing in which we fear most.

Love is not Impossible,

Impossible is Love.

Poem of the Week

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.



I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You
by Pablo Neruda

Weekly Quote =)

Beauty Is Not Caused, It is.

Behavior is what a man does, not what he thinks, feels, or believes.

Love this Song.

John Legend- Everybody Knows

All My Single Ladiesss!!

lmfao!!!!

They threw some stank on it!!!!!!!!

I soo love SNL..

The Check List: For the Fellas

Here's a little insight for my fellas who need some guidance.
I know whenever I needed a little comfort or advice, I could count on my Boys to keep it 110% Funky with me.. lol Don't ask me why I used to word Funky.. I just like how it sounds! lmao

So here's a check list for my boys who have been suffering.. lol

Check all that Apply Boys!

__ If your girl is calling less.. means she found some1 new to entertain her. Step your game up or soon you'll be getting the "This just isn't working" call.

__ She's got a closet filled with new "Going out" clothes.. and you have yet to see her in any of it. Seems like some1 else is enjoying those skin tight dresses buddy.

__ She's got more friends you never heard of with more issues you could even imagine! The "I have to be there for her" line comes into play. lol

__ If you call and shes rushing you off.. that means homies is on the other line!

__ When the weekend comes all of a sudden she has to "work".. oh yea buddy.. she's working alright.. lmao!

__ She uses the "I need a break" or "I'm sick" line almost every other Friday morning... lmao

__ If you call her friends (stalker) looking for her, and NO ONE knows where she is, you're screwed and their lying!

__ Her away message says "Busy" or "Out" Missy is playing it soooo safe! lmao

__ For some reason she's seen most of the new movies out, and they haven't been with you... I smell trouble.


There's tons more, but I cant spill all the beans.
Just remember boys, Girls always do it better. Our affection for you wont change.. and if you're really dumb, you wont even notice that we are happy most when we're not with you..
So keep your eyes open and Step your game up!

And for the good guys with TRIFLIN' girls..
You better be out before she burns you! lmfao!

The Check List: Is he no Good?

Ladies..I have taken out a substantial amount of my time to get together this list of "No No's". Read each sentence paying close attention to each detail...

Check all that Apply..

__ Has more than one child with more than one woman. ( baby momma drama)

__ Claims broke, yet has those new kicks that just came out (bum)

__ Bipolar disorder, also known as.. "Baby I'm just confused" syndrome.

__ M.I.A., and no I do not mean the Hip Hop artist.. I mean Missing in Action, also known as "family days"

__ Uses the "I fell asleep early" line more than twice a week.

__ Silences his cell phone come bed time. No sweetie, its not that he don't want to be bothered.. he just don't want you playing Robocop..

__ Runs the guilt trip on how you're not understanding.. example " she's the mother of my child, what do you want from me?" Lied!

__ Lives in Williamsburg.. LMFAO!

__Owns an unlimited metro card.

__ Comes home at 4 am stumbling, waking up the next morning claiming to remember nothing. Ladies, he remembered his address didn't he? THANK YOU!

__ Only sees you during the week, thus enforcing the "I'm single attitude" come Friday.

__ Come pay day, they're the best boyfriends ever!



Ladies, I am sure there are more examples.. I am willing to adjust the list, just send me suggestions!

.. and remember, if you place a little check next to 3 or more, you got yourself a LOSER!
Run Hunnie, like your life depended on it!! lmfao!

Santero Time!

Call me crazy.. But this weekend I'm going to take a little trip down "I've lost my freaking mind" lane.. and Go to see a spiritual man.

What I have been told is that you sit with him, and he speaks to you as himself at first, explaining what you're about to witness, than he allows the spirits to take over his human form and speak to you directly through him. Freaky right? I know!! It gets better!

The spirits then begin to speak to you only in Spanish, telling you about your past, present and of course future, which is what I'm interested in.

Its supposed to be a crazy experience, and everything he says has been proven to be true. Which is why he always has a packed room of believers waiting for his help.

This weekend I will be one of those desperate people looking for answers. I love trying different and "out there" things. I think this is going to take the cake..

If I come back on Monday talking to you guys in tongues.. find me and shoot me! lmfao thanks!!!

WISH ME LUCK!!

Advice Please

As any other person, I've been going through my own personal struggles with love and life. I have been through a tremendous amount of pain in a matter of a year, I don't even know how I'm still standing. I'm a tough girl though, and I always over come anything I am going through, simply because I know I have no other choice.

With love, I tend to allow my heart to get the best of me. I don't use my judgement, instead I follow my heart, as most females do. In my case, I have stumbled upon a huge problem. I feel as though my heart has taken me to a place where I may have some difficulty escaping.

We all know when a relationship is no longer working, and when its time to throw in the towel, but I seem to have gotten myself to a point of no return.

I woke up this morning feeling brave enough to face my relationship demons head on, and I speak confidently when I say that I am aware that I need to walk away. My only issue left to tackle is.. How? Do I tell him how much I love him but it will never work.. or do I tell him he brought this upon himself? Should I cry and show him I'm hurting, or do I maintain a brave face and stay strong? This kind of situation is a "handle with care" type of thing. Although he has pained me tremendously, I don't want to do the same to him.

Anyone have any advice? I'm willing to listen.. or read.. lol

I got A Promotion!

Oh yessss people!! I'm moving up in the world!!!!!
Just wanted to share that with you all. I wont give you too many details.. but just know this...

IM BETTER THAN YOU! HAHA!

The Iron Horse!

Like many of us, I take that great ol' iron horse to work every morning.. and boy oh boy is it always an interesting ride!

Gotta love New York!

So, for some odd reason, the A train was terrible today, I had to wait for 2 trains to pass me until one that had a little tiny space for me came in. While I was waiting there, a young girl was next to me with a baby carriage. Now this girl was screaming something SERIOUS into my right ear, I was stressed out. She was ranting and raving about some court date and how she needed to get there ASAP! I'm assuming she had some baby daddy drama.. lol I know.. I'm terrible!

Now for those who know me, know that 101 little sarcastic remarks were running through my brain. But I refrained from getting my ass beaten this morning and kept them all to myself. lol

Finally another A train comes.. which happens to have enough space for a few people.. Can you believe this young thing shoved and pushed her carriage into the doors.. banging her poor babies feet all over the place just in order to get on the train. She was hitting everyone, rolling over toes.. cursing.. swinging her arms like a mad woman.. but what was even more frightening was that she didn't even think about the poor baby. That child was flipping and flopping all over the place.. while his ignorant mother shoved him through a crowd just to make a point.. Terrible..

Some people may not get my point. But when did it become "OK" for things like that to happen.. and where in the world did home girl lose her mind? Where ever it is.. she needs to go find it before she starts throwing that carriage into traffic.. smh!

Poem of the Week

We, unaccustomed to courage

exiles from delight

live coiled in shells of loneliness

until love leaves its high holy temple

and comes into our sight

to liberate us into life.

Love arrives

and in its train come ecstasie

sold memories of pleasure

ancient histories of pain.

Yet if we are bold,

love strikes away the chains of fear from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity

In the flush of love's light

we dare be brave

And suddenly we see that love costs all we areand will ever be.

Yet it is only love

which sets us free.

Touched By An Angel

___ Maya Angelou

Weekend Run Down

There wasn't much to my weekend.. but for some reason I had a good time and got to just relax.

On Saturday I stayed in with Diana (ralphs cousin) and drank and basically spoke about garbage! lol Can you believe this chick decided to tell me a ghost story at about 2 something in the morning.. Is she nuts? lol I was truly about to hop right into bed with her. Sorry folks.. but I scare easily.. and ghost stories are no bueno! I think I finally went to sleep at like 5 am.. and than didnt wake up til about 3 in the afternoon sunday.. What a life right? Tell me about it.

.. and that was pretty much it.. besides the laundry.. that concludes my weekend.. lol

Sex & The City Sequel!

Sex & The City

I Love These Girls!

Kim Cattrall has confirmed, on a British talk show with guest host Mel B., that a Sex and the City sequel is a go. (Watch the interview here.) While the actresses finalize their deals, Slezak and I thought we'd start the brainstorming session. First our suggestions for story lines, then yours.
I could not be more efffffin excited!! If this indeed is true than I am so about to piss my pants. This, by far, has to be the best show every written, and the best chick flick ever produced (besides the Notebook)
I can't wait to get a second dose of my fav. girls! =)

I thought this was funny..

I love bloopers!

Enjoy! =)

Fashion PLEASE dont's

Umm where is he? And why the yellow boots? When in doubt.. wear black sweetness!




OOMPA LOOMPA!
Where's the neck? I simply dont see it!
And stop with the "Come Here" eyes doll..
they aint working!



Ok so she kind of reminds me of Rhianna.. just with a really bad weave... and poor sense of fashion..
What's with the hott pink back brace and the white tee that barely fits?

=/

Worst Dressed!

What in the saggy tits is goin on here?


Now, I wouldnt usually put a big girl on blast. But when u pick an outfit that simply aint correct.. I HAVE TO!

She looks like the Michelin Tire Guy! lmfao!

I Need Out!!

I have officially come to the conclusion that I need a vacation! Is it too much to ask for a little peace and quiet "ME" time? I don't think so..
I need to be laying on this beach with a Pina Colada and a hott little cabana boy if you get what im saying! He needs to be wearing tight shorts too.. if that could be made possible.. that would just be freakin' fantastic!


To further torture myself, I went looking online and came across some beautiful beach get-a-ways. Don't ask me why I even did it to myself, but I did! Enjoy the Peaceful and Serene looking beaches.. I know I'm in my office right now, with my eyes closed, picturing my cabana boy in his tight little shorts, all sweaty with a fresh coconut in his..OK! Enough! I almost forgot what I was doing!


No but seriously.. I need out!

America Made History!

Get a Load of This Crap!

Ok People.. it's official.. I have a fan base! lmao!

Today, I'm at work, minding my own business. Anyone who knows me knows that I am constantly signed onto aim while working. Around 1 p.m., right after lunch time (pizza was on the menu.. yum!) I received the oddest little instant message from screen name "SikeUrIt". There were numbers following but i think you get the point!

Anyway, as usual, this individual had nothing tasteful nor polite to say. What a surprise right? I know, tell me about it! Of course they tried to get under my skin stating, and I quote, "You ain't sh*t to no1 you stupid f*cking b*tch".

:: I'll pause for laughter ::

Now this person became very irate when of course i hit them back with a "LMFAO.. Are you serious right now?". This person did not appreciate me taking them as a joke. But at the end of the day that's what they are to me.. A joke.

Long story short.. they aimed me continuously for about 15 Min's then gave up when all I would respond with was "OK stalker" or "OK lame" and the occasional "lmao".


So, the point of this blog is, Why do people such as my aim stalker continuously hide behind their desktop? If you have the courage to im me.. you should be courageous enough to stand by who you are. Don't worry I don't bite! I just really want to understand the immature mentality that's all..


Ah well.. guess I'll never know who they are right.. until next time!

Are You Effin kidding me?!?

Someone please tell me that these two ignorant individuals aren't serious.

Election Day!

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

__Barack Obama

My job is not to represent Washington to you, but to represent you to Washington.

__Barack Obama





There is not a liberal America and a conservative America - there is the United States of America. There is not a black America and a white America and latino America and asian America - there's the United States of America.

__Barack Obama

Coldest Winter__ Kanye West

Starting My Wish List Early!

GUNS & ROSES PENDANT.. MUST HAVE!

FAIREST OF THEM ALL PENDANT FROM DISNEY COUTURE.. MUST HAVE!

NEW CAZALS.. YIKES! MUST HAVE!

.. and believe me.. there will be updates.. =)

I Carry Your Heart

i carry your heart with me

(i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it

(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear no fate

(for you are my fate,my sweet)

i want no world

(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

I carry your heart with me

-E. E. Cummings

Weekly Quote =)

"The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously"

-Hubert H. Humphrey

Weekend Run Down

Weekend Run Down!

1. Friday was like "mission impossible" for Ms. Ivory and Myself. Boy oh boy did we do some running around! It was the start to the "Chronicles of Ebony & Ivory" so Stay tuned! We went from work.. to the city.. to my house in Bushwick.. back to Sunset.. To then troop to Park slope to get some party tickets for later that night.. then back to sunset to put ourselves together.. to then go all the way uptown! GEEEZE!! I'm tired just typing it!
2. We all went to Body to celebrate Huggies birthday.. what a issue that was.. The cab took forever.. by the time we got there people were already fighting.. it was WAY too packed out.. I mean.. basically it was a nightmare.. lol Sorry Huggies!
3. Saturday & Sunday were my "Leave me the eff alone" days. I slept in and did nothing! It was probably the best day of the entire weekend.

Doesn't seem like an interesting weekend right? lol

It may not have been a blast.. but it was good enough for me.. lol